The last thing anyone remembers about their past relationships is how they broke up. Yes, ending one is never easy. So are the negative effects. However, by deciding that you want to end your relationship, you have already become a better you. In time, you would thank yourself for ending the relationship instead of pushing on miserably long after it’s ‘best before’ date. Below are 13 advice and tips on how to end a relationship the right way.
- Keep It To Yourself
- Do Not Erase Who You Were
- In Person vs. By Text
- Break Up Location
- Pick A Time
- Be Crystal Clear
- Keep It Short
- Stay Strong
- Stay Safe
- Handling Mutual Friends
- Handling Deliberately Destroyed Reputation
- Staying Friends vs Staying Away
- Don’t Get Into One In The First Place
Never tell your close friends or family first. He/she must be first. It is disrespectful to a person when he/she discovers your intention to break up from others first. Grumble, bitch, and whine all you want about him/her but the decision to break up with him/her must remain totally private. If there’s anything we’ve learned from Gossip Girl is that people are terrible at keeping secrets.
Saying shitty things like ‘I was only with you out of pity’ or ‘I have resented you for years’ or ‘I have frequently thought of cheating instead of breaking up’ will make you become that person from then on out. Do not let that be your representation.
Of course when you want to break up with someone, you would like to have the least drama and tears. Everyone knows that face to face is the right thing to do. However, if you are at a distance try video chatting. Otherwise a phone call at least.
Never break up with someone by text. Anyone who gets text dumped will never forget it for the rest of their lives. Initially, it creates more questions, prompting non-closure. A 10 minute conversation about breaking up may save you 100s more in the near future. Moreover, it hurts your reputation. Makes people wonder if you are mature enough to be in a relationship.
If you can, break the news at his/her place where there are familiar people around for comforting. A comfortable private place like home helps both of you avoid having to deal with the embarrassment of his/her impulsive behaviour upon hearing the news. That way, when you exit, he/she can be left to vent her sadness/anger at ease.
Restaurants, bars, clubs, weddings, and in the car are 5 of the worst locations to break up with someone. No matter how emotional and heated the conversation gets, there’s no excuse for risking her safety or yours.
There are 2 best days to break up with someone. Friday evening right after work/class works best for most. You avoid him/her from being desolate and distracted from class/work. Moreover most of his/her family and friends are free and able to be there for him/her. He/she will also have time to lock him/herself in the room and cut off communications with the world for a couple of days if he/she wishes to.
However, you also need to consider the type of person that he/she is. Monday is also a very good day to break up with someone as it’s the start of the week. If he/she is the type of person who is able to go plow through work, giving him/herself less time for sulking and feeling miserable then Monday would be excellent for him/her. That way, he/she can decide when to give him/herself time to think about it to let his/her emotions get the best of him/her.
Days to avoid include major personal ones like birthday, new year’s, Christmas, an important meeting, a big presentation, etc.
Firstly, you must be clear yourself. List down the reasons why you want to end it. Too much fighting, there’s someone else, low sex drive, gambling issues, becoming way overweight, and high maintenance are some of the strongest reasons that drive people to break up.
Be brief and impartial. Make it clear you want to talk about the relationship. Being ambiguous will only drag out the break up. A break up should only be done once, not in stages. Remember to have your exit planned out properly prior to breaking the news like making sure your things are already packed and out by the car.
It is imperative to always remain calm and in control. This is to prevent yourself from being manipulated. The moment you start bursting emotionally, you may find him/her trying to keep you by making promises, giving in to your desires, making you believe that you were finally heard, understanding your needs, and is willing to change. However, he/she cannot change at this point in life as evidenced by no change despite several efforts in the past, over and over again. As soon as you settle back into the relationship, bad habits rise again. Do not get hooked into this vicious cycle.
Cutting off contact may seem cruel but it sends a clear message. You have no interest in continuing the relationship. Soon enough, he/she will move on and you will be drama free. Remember, every little reciprocation will only make the break up more difficult for the both of you. Regardless of how miserable or depressive you’ve been, never express it to your ex. Maybe in the far, far future but not now.
If your ex still has difficulty understanding that you are trying to leave him/her after you being clear, continue to ignore him/her. Don’t respond to any text, email or voice mail. A respond is confidence +1 to him/her that there is a chance both of you may eventually be together again. It encourages him/her to keep trying. However, keep all the messages sent to you. Should your ex go overboard, his/her messages will be concrete evidence for the police to be on your side.
If your friends love you they will contact you to see how you are doing or if you want to hang out. After the dust settles, let them know that you appreciate their support and that you got their back as well.
Accept the outcome even if it turns out the other way. Not all ‘couple friends’ are going to want to continue the friendship. In the meantime, you should go to new places and meet new people.
Your ex may rewrite your past with him/her. His/her recollection of your conversations may be so skewered that it may make people conceive negative and premature opinions about you. You may suddenly find yourself being the aggressor from a mutual friend somewhere down the line.
Two things you must do. First, never respond. Resist the urge to set the record straight with your ex. Let it go. Understand that there is nothing you can do to prevent your ex from spreading rumours or lies about you. Like Buddha said, “There are 3 things in the world that can never hide for long. The sun, the moon, the truth”.
Staying friends post relationship can be a good thing. Both of you spent the better part of your lives together and just because you can’t lock lips anymore doesn’t mean you should hate each other. A friend to you should be like the kind of friend you don’t see much. Like how you have tons of ‘facebook friends’ but don’t necessarily have to keep in touch with them. You may not want to fully cut each other out of your lives but you also don’t really want each other in it either. In many cases, you may even find that you guys function much better as friends than as lovers and get to a point where you consider it weird that the two of you ever dated.
However, if you still have even a glimmer of hope of reconciliation, you must vanish. Heal yourself first. Until both of you are mutually ready, stay away. Of course, if he/she treated you like shit before then the obvious answer is to stay away.
Being friends first before going any deeper is very important when it comes to avoiding a potential unhealthy relationship. Only time can tell the compatibility of both your personalities as not everyone has exactly the same interests and hobbies. Add physical and emotional aspects to the relationship only if you know that you can function together in harmony. If your instincts tell you, after spending time with him/her, that it’s better to remain friends then do so. If you know that there is a reasonable chance that the relationship may not be a healthy one, stay single and free.
Read more about the other 13 addictions repressing the society of today.